I will be headed for Cancun in about a week. I am not saying that to rub it in or anything. I am very excited for the trip. I would love to travel to many more places. It’s just this little anxiety thing that I have. The airplane ride makes me a tiny bit nervous. I hate being put into very tight spaces with no easy way to exit or in this case, no way to exit and survive.
When I take the park n’ ride school bus to school it gets crowded and they fill up the bus so that all the seats are taken and the students are sardine packed in the middle aisle of the bus. The entire bus is packed, from the back all the way to the bus driver in the front. It is a short 10 minute ride, but it takes a lot to keep myself from going into a panic. My mind starts to race, my heart starts beating faster, I feel like I might pass out if I don’t get control of myself. It would do no good to panic. I actually have to tell myself that the bus is not getting smaller. If I absolutely had to, I could stick my head out the window. I didn’t realize that this problem or fear was creeping up on me until last summer when my sister came to visit. We had taken Eric’s 2 door sports car to church. It was Eric, Marie and I. On the way to church I was in the front seat. For the way back, I had offered to get in the back seat, so Marie didn’t have to climb in the back. So, I climbed into the back and put my seatbelt on. Marie put the passenger seat back so she could get in. I’m thinking, “Hmmm, this is not very spacious back here.” She shut her door. I looked to the side for a window. “Hmmmmmmm, the window is tiny and doesn’t open. Hmmmmmmmmm.” My heart was starting to race. “Breath. It’s hot. Need air….ok, we’re moving………………then I scream “STOP! STOP! Let me out right now, you need to let me out right now. STOP!!!! Open the door! Sorry, open the door!” If they hadn’t acted so quickly I might have went into a full blown panic. I told myself that I would try to never let that happen again. I don’t ever want to cater to a fear like that. So, I have ridden in the back since, even for a full hour with 4 people in the car. It was about 3 times during that trip that I felt my fear creeping up on me. I just took a deep breath in until the dizzy out of control feeling went away. Ok, just one more story about this because I think it’s kind of funny. At work we have moved our CT department to a new location. We have a little room that we can use to put our personal stuff in. We were talking about getting lockers and I had mentioned getting the full sized lockers. My co-worker Netasha said, “Yea, we should get those, then we can stick you in there.” She doesn’t know this, but a week or so later, when I was trying to fall asleep, I had thought about what she said. From that small thought, my mind just took off on it’s own. I imagined them shoving me into a locker and locking it and forgetting the combination and having to call maintenance to cut the lock off and having to feed oxygen tubing into the locker so I could breath. Then I snapped back to reality. That would never happen, right? ….but then why do they always say, “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.”
ok, so about this plane ride…. I will be fine. Just venting a little of my anxiety.
Here’s a funny story though. The last time I flew, we were delayed a bit because the airplanes were in line getting ready to take off. Our plane was headed to make its way into the waiting line. So, it was as if someone in line waved to our pilot like heres an opening for you (like we do when driving in our cars). We started rolling forward and then “screeeeeeeech”. The pilot hit the breaks and we all heaved forward (a little slower motion than actually getting whiplash in a car). Someone behind us loudly said, “So, now they’re gonna get out and exchange insurance information.” It was a good chuckle in a tense situation
charmainesjournal 